Golf is a weird, frustrating, glorious game that will make you question your sanity. But if you can master the lingo, you can at least sound like you know what you’re doing. Photo by Roberto Gonzalez
Par. This is the number of strokes the golf gods think it should take you to get the ball in the hole. It’s a nice idea, but for the average golfer, par is more of a theoretical concept—like a balanced diet or sticking to your budget.
Birdie. A rare and beautiful thing. This means you got the ball in the hole one stroke under par. If you get a birdie, immediately celebrate by acting like you totally expected it. “Oh yeah, it just felt right, you know?”
Bogey. A bogey means you took one more shot than par. For casual golfers, this is basically “par with extra seasoning.” If you’re a newbie, celebrate a bogey like a birdie.
Double Bogey. Two strokes over par. If you’re playing for fun, just call this “a normal hole” and keep moving.
Eagle. Two strokes under par. This is the kind of thing that only happens in golf commercials or in the exaggerated retellings of your uncle’s golf stories.
Fore! What you yell when your ball is headed directly toward someone’s head. If you hear someone else yell it, duck, cover and accept that golf is now a contact sport.
Shank. The worst thing that can happen in golf. This is when the ball shoots off at an embarrassing and unpredictable angle. If you shank, it’s best to immediately look at your club like it betrayed you.
Fairway. The nice, short grass in the middle of the hole where your ball should be but almost never is.
Rough. The long, annoying grass on the sides of the fairway where your ball actually is.
Bunker. Also known as a sand trap. It’s like a beach, but with fewer margaritas and more regret.
Green. The beautifully maintained grass around the hole where putting happens. Also, the place where you suddenly forget how to hit a ball in a straight line.
Gimme. A putt so short that everyone just agrees you would have made it anyway. This is how golf friendships are maintained.
19th Hole. The bar. The most important part of the golf course. If you’re truly bad at golf, just skip holes 1-18 and head straight here
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